We're Going Places!!!

Because some of the authors listed on the side are now so fancy and spreading their writing love to other publishers besides Grand Central's 5Spot we've decided to diversify.

We thought we'd give youall an opportunity to catch up with everyone on their respective websites and Facebook pages to hear all the exciting updates and new project news.

So catch up with:

*Caprice Crane at her website, as well as on a Facebook and MySpace;
*Liza Palmer at my website, as well as on Facebook;
*Kristin Harmel at her website, as well as on Facebook and MySpace;
*Lauren Lipton at her website, as well as Facebook;
*Beverly Bartlett at her website, as well as Facebook;
*Gitty Daneshvari at the Hachette Book Group website;
*Megan Crane at her website, as well as Facebook and MySpace;
*Jane Porter at her website, as well as Facebook and Myspace;
*Kim Green at her personal blog, as well as Facebook;
*Holly Shumas at her website, as well as Facebook;
*and Claire LeZebnik at her website, as well as Facebook.

So, we're putting our little 5Spot blog to bed, as we've all found other beds that we...wait, that doesn't sound right. We're all sleeping with...no...uh...

Please visit us from now on at our own websites, blogs, Facebook pages and other sundry internet capacities until you, like we, get sick of us.

HAVE A GREAT YEAR!!!!!

Flight of the Conchords - The Humans are Dead

Music for a New Year

I'm writing on a brand new computer. A Mac. I'm on one hand enamored of the little beauty and on the other completely terrified of its every non PC sinew. It's glorious. Just incomprehensibly beautiful.

I've been watching the Top Chef, but I gotta tell you the whole Leah/Hosea monkeyhander circus has completely turned me off. So, I don't think I'll be blogging much about it, because...feh. And Eugene got sent home AND Ariane?? I mean...I'm loving Fabio and Carla even...but, feh. 24 is on now, so...that's pretty much where my mind is at these days.

I'm listening to some amazing music these days...thanks to Megan, an ugly incident with the iTunes and a walk down memory lane.

First:

Kings of Leon - Closer
(I'm attaching a little fan video, because none of the live versions really captured the eerie, gorgeous depth to the song...but this band live is bananas.)



Just because you have to see them...here they are singing Sex on Fire on Letterman



I also watched Saturday Night Live last night, happily to see Fleet Foxes as the musical guest. Definitely check out their cut Mykonos on iTunes - along with all their stuff. Very old school, 1970's, should be at the Last Waltz kind of stuff.

Megan then turned me on to Santogold who I'm now obsessed with. Ridiculous.

Santogold - You'll Find a Way (Switch and Graeme Siden Mix)
(The beat is insane and...well, just listen..and then go find L.E.S. Artistes and download that, too)



Finally, I was thinking back and remembered an old Chris Isaak song that I used to looove, found it iTunes and am now playing it, Closer by Kings of Leon and Santogold pretty much back to back.

Chris Isaak - Dancin'
(another one of those little fan videos, but once again the live versions didn't give the song that thumping depth that really makes this song almost palpable)

Swooning on a Sunday

So, Megan and I just got back from seeing Twilight...both for the third time. The discussion on the way home from the theater invariably became about Swoon Worthy Moments in film - the "I'm very protective" line that poor, tortured Edward utters probably had something to do with the tone of our conversation.

Although the last line in the official trailer...man oh man.


Megan brought up the swooping over Darcy's shoulder at the dance in Pride and Prejudice (at about the 2 minute mark)...where she literally curled out of her chair.



I then brought up Becoming Jane, citing James McAvoy's loveliness. To which, Megan replied that she couldn't get past the whole Tumnus thing. I have this scene to offer. I won't let on when he comes into shot, but...holy moly - quite an entrance. Sigh.


I also re-watched Something's Got to Give - and apart from coveting her house once more - I was moved to tears by the following scene....again. Diane Keaton is a God and this performance is one of my favorites. "This is heartbroken"...ugh...perfection (at about the 2.50ish mark)


Is it about restraint and stolen glances that makes these scenes so formidable? Is it the earnestness and honesty? The knowledge that we know that love and the unsaid are tearing these people apart and they're at a dance or on a street corner and have to keep up some level of decorum.

I've been in a music rut lately...don't know why. But, nothing beats a rut like Joni Mitchell. Perfect music for a rainy Sunday.



Have a great week!

Top Chef!

Aftermath of Last Week
• Melissa Eyebrows apparently lays around the apartment like one of those Real Dolls. Excuse me while I pour lye into my eye sockets.
• Apparently Stefan is making lovey gifts for Jamie…the lesbian. That’s the most awesome thing I’ve ever heard.
QUICKFIRE
• Identify that Ingredient!
• Jamie thinks she has a great palate and then she says, “expecially”
• Oh, look the sniffs are back.
• The chefs pair up…heh, Stefan and Jamie are together. Stefan is giddy.
• The Challenge: Head to head, taste a sauce, identify the most ingredients in the sauce
• It’s like a Name that Tune thing
• Last Chef Standing wins.
• Daniel vs. Hosea – Hosea wins
• Ariane vs. Jeff – Ariane wins because Jeff is a douchebag.
• Stefan vs. Jamie – Stefan wins because he says shit like salt and pepper. Uh, duh.
• Eugene and Leah – Leah wins
• Fabio vs. Radhika – Radhika wins
• Melissa vs. Carla – Melissa is now wearing a baseball cap circa Eminem Slim Shady days. She’s apparently had a small stroke since we last saw her.
• Carla wins
• Hosea vs. Ariane – Hosea wins
• Stefan vs. Leah – Stefan wins…and it’s kinda awesome.
• Carla vs. Radhika – Carla wins
• Carla vs. Hosea vs. Stefan in sudden death
• Carla’s out in the first round
• HOSEA WINS!!!!!

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
• Chefs have to cook for a Gail’s Bridal Shower
• Dude, Daniel is all up in these confessionals…I’m going to go he’s packing his knives.
• Something Borrowed Team: Jamie, Radhika and Ariane
• Jamie comes up with some mildly racist theme based on knowing an Indian recipe, so she saddles Radhika with saying that she ‘borrowed’ Jamie’s Indian recipe from her Mom. Huh?
• Radhika’s a bit…put off by it.
• Something Blue Team: MC Melissa, Leah and Fabio
• Leah asks if figs can be blue.
• Uh.
• Fabio goes with the concept of the Ocean equaling blue.
• Something New Team – Daniel Carla, and Eugene
• Daniel goes off on a pickling thing?
• Carla’s all – what about New makes you think of Pickling
• Eugene talks about making sushi…it’s new.
• Carla’s against it, but doesn’t say anything.
• Something Old Team: Jeff, Hosea and Stefan
• They’re talking about tomatoes…a lot.
• Stefan is rolling over the other two guys…but the other two guys are douchey, so…
• The chefs go shopping
• Carla begins to explain that her and her adorable husband do this ‘Hootie Hoo’ thing in the stores…it’s a two part thing, she explains. She calls out ‘Hootie’ and her husband calls back ‘Hoo.’ Like a Marco Polo kind of deal.
• Carla begins to call out ‘Hootie.’
• To people other than her husband.
• This isn’t going to end well.
• Stefan may be a total prick, but he’s right about Hosea being a “doucheboy” and that he has immunity. Also, that if Stefan screws up, he goes home. He’s very point blank about it.
• Borrowed: 3rd Course
• Eastern Spicy Lamb, Vadouvan something…
• New – 2nd course
• Surf and Turf sushi roll, peach miso bbq sauce.
• Blue: Reference the Ocean…says Melissa.
• Old – “from the old world.”
• The Old Tomato World, apparently.
• Eugene’s rice is screwed up, too sticky. He’s menacing and Daniel is terrified.
• Tom comes in – goes up to the Blue team and announces that there’s no blue food.
• Borrowed – Jamie says the Radhika borrowed story.
• New – surf and turf…they’re all amped and weird.
• Old – the whole heirloom thing…Stefan was married twice…to the same woman. WHAT?!?!
• Eugene doctors his rice and thinks he's saved it.
• Later that night…Eugene says that the bridal shower guests can build their own sushi rolls.
• Daniel thinks it’s awesome...and he’s lifting weights during this whole conversation. On the balcony. Late at night. Huh?
• Stefan butts in – he’s asking questions and it’s intrusive, but Eugene goes from zero to sixty in .5 seconds.
• Man oh man.
• The weird mini-dramedy now stars Jamie and Stefan. Oh yay.
• And double-yay, Hosea and Leah are still flirting…oh and now it comes out that they both have significant others at home. WHAT?
• Walk into Twenty Four Fifth Avenue – really extravagant and amazing set up.
• The women start arriving.
SERVICE
• Old (Hosea, Stefan and Jeff) - up first
• The women toast and Tom is back in the kitchen. He says he wasn’t invited to the Girl Party.
• Hosea is totally shaking and nervous as he serves the women the dish.
• Guest Judge: Dana Cowin, Editor of Food and Wine Magazine
• Jeff introduces their dish, all tomato all the time.
• It’s going over well – jeff’s sorbet is the fave.
• New (Eugene, Daniel and Carla) – go next
• Daniel adds mushrooms to Carla’s salad without her knowing. Huh?
• There’s a lot of components and a lot of everything… this is not going to be good.
• Daniel’s totally going home.
• Eugene introduces the dish – sushi done new…
• The dish is messy and the women don’t know how to put it together…Eugene didn’t explain how…woops.
• Borrowed – (Jamie, Radhika and Ariane) – next
• Jamie thinks she’s going to win. What a shock.
• Ariane’s lamb is taking its sweet time to cook and Jamie is a little brat about it.
• They start plating…Jamie is…grating.
• Everyone helps and is awesome.
• Jamie introduces the dish…trotting out Radhika’s culture for her own benefit…ugh.
• The lamb is delicious, says everyone. It goes over really well.
• Blue (Fabio, Melissa and Leah) – are last
• The words bland and boring plague the team.
• Leah and Melissa want Fabio to introduce the dish…because he’s Fabio.
• The bridal shower guests lurrrrve him.
• The dish isn’t going over well…not 'politically correct (?),' old people food, not challenging.
JUDGE’S TABLE
• Top Two Teams: Old and Borrowed
• Jeff’s sorbet is the favorite from his team
• Jamie’s carrot puree goes over well
• Ariane’s lamb was perfect – Jamie tries to talk over Ariane like she had something to do with it. Sniff.
• Jamie literally says “I want this win” right there…
• WINNER: ARIANE!!!!
• Dude. Jeff and Jamie are FUMING.
• That’s. Awesome.
• Jamie says she’s always a Bridesmaid…
• Wait…I need to run the Tivo back.
• Yes, Jamie just said, “None of us expected anyone but me to win.”
• Wow. Just wow.
• Bottom: New and Blue.
• New – Gail says she was confusing
• Eugene cops to his screw up of not explaining.
• The sticky rice was bad, too.
• Eugene again.
• Carla says she wasn’t happy about it, but it was her fault for not saying anything.
• Daniel loved the dish.
• Tom – conceptually a disaster.
• Mushrooms at the bottom of Carla's salad??
• Daniel says he did that.
• Carla is pissed.
• Tom says it’s pretty bad – are you still happy to Daniel?
• Yes, he was. Tom is in awe.
• Blue – played it safe. Bland. Boring.
• Fabio says that cooking fish for 45 people is safe?
• They’re like…uh yeah.
• Fabio stops talking. Good idea.
• Carla’s salad was the light…but they could tell she was stewing about feeling muted.
• Daniel doesn’t have insight.
• Tom says, ‘he likes that dish…he actually likes that dish’
• Eugene screwed up the rice then tried to doctor it back and explain that he had fixed it…
• Tom summarizes: Blue – your food was boring, but you guys can leave the kitchen. You’re safe.
• Team New – the dish was all over the board. Eugene screwed up two things. Carla – you knew it was bad, you need to say something. Daniel – you still looove this dish…huh? I want to send all three of you home.
• PACK YOUR KNIVES: DANIEL
• THAT’S TWO FOR TWO I’VE CALLED!!!!
• Daniel is amped and childlike in his departure. Heartbreaking.
• He leaves quickly.
• Daniel starts talking about Barry Sanders.
• Aw…come on.
• Next Week: MARTHA STEWART

Top Chef: Episode 4 by Liza

Last week’s round-up was postponed by a very merry Thanksgiving. I had a Harvest Pie (so good…basically Fall in a pie) to make and didn’t actually sit down to watch last week’s episode until the weekend. Sad to see Richard go – he was a good guy, but what was up with those S’mores? And the whole sobbing proclamation of “kicks ass, baby girl. Kick ass” to Jamie seemed a bit …much. I mean, we’re not leaving Richard behind on the Mt. Everest here…

Plus, the entire episode was mostly me just staring at Dave Grohl and sighing, so…oh and the fact that people were putting metal into the microwaves!?! Did anyone else notice that?!?!?

On to this week’s episode!

Last Week’s Aftermath
• Jeff’s lifting weights on the balcony – you know, where everyone lifts weights in the morning, right?
• Ariane feels vindicated from her great turkey last week – which was awesome. How impossible was that?!?
• Richard left a note for Alex – he read it to Jamie and Carla. He’s adorable and weepy when he reads it aloud. Aww, man oh man. Super emotional. I am loving Carla more and more. She’s good people.
• Is all this Alex footage mean he’s packing his knives this week?!?!

QUICKFIRE

• Rocco DiSpirito is the guest chef
• Fabio disses him for doing fake Italian…gotta kind of give him that.
• Breakfast is on tap today
• Create a Breakfast Amuse Bouche
• Melissa – French toast, eggs in a nest.
• Stefan – huevos rancheros
• Radhika – potato cake, mini omelette
• Daniel – cornflake encrusted zucchini flower (huh?)
• Ariane – stuffed French toast
• Jamie – bacon, lettuce, tomato breakfast sandwich
• Leah – bacon, egg and cheese (hers is one bite and she makes a whole thing about pointing that out. She’s totally that kid in class who points out when people aren’t following the rules…)
• Fabio – brioche with banana and espresso cream
• Jeff – twice baked potato
• BOTTOM: Daniel (all corn flakes), Fabio (too rich)
• TOP: Stefan, Leah (sniff), Jamie
• WINNER: LEAH
• He gives her a copy of his book.
• Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.
• Jamie is pissed that she’s been close twice. She’s cool about it.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
• Padma talks about raising your profile and your identity as a chef equaling people knowing what you’re about.
• CREATE A DISH FOR A 2 ½ MINUTE DISH FOR A LIVE TELEVISION SEGMENT
• Winning this challenge has a major advantage, Padma says.
• Rocco says to keep it simple.
• The chefs go shopping at Whole Foods with $100.
• Fabio goes back and cuts his own tuna – hilarious.
• Eugene is going to do sushi, so is Hosea – they both go cut their own tuna, as well.
• Alex is doing a dessert – a crème brulée. I don’t know…this isn’t looking good for him. Eesh.
• They’ve set up a table there and each chef will go behind it and perform their little 2 ½ minute segment.
• Everyone’s freaking out.
• Ariane: Jersey Beefsteak Tomato Salad, Watermelon and Feta
• She’s doing really well – super homey
• Jamie Smugface: Salad with Duck egg, bacon and caviar
• Tom’s adorable. I’m just going to put that out there. I kind of love him.
• Gail asks how you know if the egg is ready. Hers isn’t. Rocco is all, “raw egg White. Ew.”
• Alex and his dessert: he’s nervous and he runs out of time. It hadn’t set. Aw man.
• Jeff: Malfouf roll with shrimp. He’s nervous and okay, but he gets through it.
• Fabio points out that these chefs are using ingredients that no one knows and it’s not a good idea (he’s totally right…duck egg??! Malfouf?!?)
• Fabio does a tuna, carrots and asparagus – Padma asks how soon he is from Italy, he says he’s fresh out of the boat.
• Daniel does great – I love it. I thought he was being all nerdy with his “I love everything tv”, but he does great.
• Stefan is wooden
• Hosea is fumbling
• Eugene is awesome…of course.
• Melissa does a spicy something…Tom is about to blow fire out of his mouth. Seriously. He runs out of the kitchen.
• Carla runs out of time.
• Radhika runs out of time.
• Leah runs out of time – she’s totally shaking and nervous.
• The judges talk.
• Disappointments: Jamie (bad cook), Leah (too nervous), Alex (bad choice), Carla (nervous energy, good dish).
• Good: Daniel (a lot of charm, bit of a mess, smoking out the studio, a ham), Stefan (smart to have a swap out, but he was wooden), Melissa (too spicy), Jeff (had a lot, but because he has that douchebag level of confidence he did great), Fabio was a dream, Ariane ‘hit it out of the park’.
• Bottom 3: Melissa, Alex and Jamie
• Top 3: Jeff, Fabio and Ariane
• Back at the house..
• Jamie sulks and ‘cries herself to sleep.’
• Alex gets all weird and bravado – he chose a dessert and he could have ‘pussied out’ and chose a salad. I’m not on board with this – Ariane was smart with her choice.
• Leah points out that Alex is getting married in under a month and that he’s over it. Good point. He jumps on that…ooh, a way out? To reject Top Chef before it rejects me?
• Tom peeps into the girl’s room, grabs Ariane. Then gets Fabio and Jeff at 2AM.
• Tom tells them – the hosts of the Today Show will be judging the top 3.
• They’re totally stoked, as they should be.
• I’m liking Fabio and Ariane more and more and Jeff less and less. But they’re all fine.
• Jeff declares that he’s going to be serving a middle eastern roll to a ‘bunch of unsophisticated ladies’ at 6:30 in the morning. UNSOPHISTICATED LADIES? I’m not following. HOW POMPOUS IS THIS MOTHERFUCKER?
• Ariane is adorable…just genuine and awesome.
• The Food Stylist comes down, has them set their stuff onto a cart to go up to the set – I hope she can take the wheat stalk out of her mouth long enough so Jeff can help her understand a “middle eastern roll.” What a tool.
• The chefs wake up – no Top 3, but the TV is set up.
• Ah, Meredith Viera – one of the Unsophisticated Ladies. Jeff. Is. Dead. To. Me.
• Winner will be chosen on the show…
• Taste Ariane’s – going over well, Meredith hates watermelon, but she forks around it.
• Fabio’s is next – “I have no idea what’s going on.” HE’S ADORABLE.
• Jeff’s is next – Kathy Lee Gifford spits it out. Yep.
• Jeff says, “then there’s a gagging sound.” Shit.
• The hosts huddle up…it’s obviously between Fabio and Ariane
• ARIANE WINS
• Meredith comes back and congratulates Ariane – that’s awesome.
• Fabio says that Ariane totally deserved it. Good for him.
• Rocco gives her about two dozen tools and she’ll presenting a dish on the today show the day after this episode airs. Ariane says that it will make a huge difference in her restaurant which is 30 minutes from NY.
JUDGES TABLE
• Melissa, Jamie and Alex are on the bottom.
• Melissa: shrimp too spicy...for some of you.
• Rocco says, bullshit. You couldn’t have tasted more than one bite of that dish, let alone inexperienced chefs working with habanero chiles.
• Jamie got frazzled. The judges give her some really creative criticism, like more on point than I’ve ever seen (Tom says she should have flipped the egg to make it cook faster, Gail says she should just roll with the punches…) it’s all very civil.
• Jamie cuts them off. WHY.
• Apparently, she’s fully aware of everything she did wrong and she knows everything there is to know about everything.
• Rocco points out that her body language was saying she was angry.
• She says she was angry at herself and that she should know better.
• What she ‘should know better’ is how to take criticism.
• Alex – he says he thought being different would get him into the top 3.
• Tom asks why he chose the crème brulée?
• Alex says that the whole point of this competition is to ‘push yourself’ Tom says, the point of this competition is to win.
• Snap.
• Tom says there was no way it could be finished. I mean, like impossible.
• Alex agrees, but then says that he should have done something ‘easy’…
• Anyone have anything else to say?
• Melissa says that SHE wants to be here more than anything and SHE really thinks she shouldn’t go home and that SHE, SHE, SHE.
• The judges pick up on it…uh, is there someone here who doesn’t want to be here?
• Shiiiiiit.
• Alex? He takes the high road, doesn’t take the bait and just says that he deserves to be here because he’s a good chef and that his performance was not a good one.
• What’s up with Melissa though!?!?
• Are all of their pants high waters?
• Rocco – all 3 were inedible.
• Execution: Jamie was a bitch, Melissa still defends her Dish o’Fire.
• And then in the back room, Melissa is still talking at people like SHE wants to be here and that there are definitely PEOPLE here who DON’T want to be here (look at Alex, look at Alex)
• To which he asks, “is she throwing me under the bus?”
• Jamie answers, “I think she wants to, but it’s too late.” Good answer. Okay…I will withhold further sniffs.
• Alex is like, “yeah, but that’s fucked up.”
• Gail points out that Alex’s dish was doomed. Impossible.
• Presentation? He would have been fine.
• Now Melissa is stooped over and crying…Hosea is comforting her. WTF?
• What’s with these little mini-dramadies of Leah/Hosea flirting? And it’s like gross teenagery flirting that makes me just roll my eyes over and over again?? Is this a new Bravo thing??
• Tom summarizes - Melissa: your dish was too spicy, Alex: you were doomed, Jamie: raw egg and then got weird.
• PACK YOUR KNIVES: ALEX
• Dude, I totally called it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Man.
• Carla’s the first to stand and hug him. Love her.
• Hosea tells Melissa Eyebrows that he’s glad she’s still here.
• What. A. Monkeyhander.
• Next week: Gail’s Bridal Shower?? Fabio tries to pick up on all of them.

Flirting With Forty Movie Trailer!

I'm shameless. Forgive me. But I'm just so excited I had to share. The trailer for the Flirting with Forty movie is playing on Lifetime, as well as on their website, and now here!

I was looking forward to the movie which premieres on Lifetime December 6th, 9 pm ET/PT, and have been putting together party boxes for all my readers holding premiere parties that night, but now that I've seen the trailer with Adele's "Chasing Pavements" playing, I'm well, giddy. And happy. I loved this story, in part because it's so much my story, but now that it's a Lifetime movie, it's everyone's story.

Watch the trailer and let me know what you think!

Top Chef: Episode 2

I’m perched on a fucking step stool, because I have a modem and a wireless thingie that apparently don’t “like” each other. Which leads me here – sitting will-nill next to my phone jack with my computer balancing on my legs.

All for Top Chef!!!

So, let’s get to it – my ass is killing me.

Last week, we got rid of Lauren and Patrick. Stefan won both the Quickfire and the Elimination and is coming off as shitty and arrogant. He says Fabio is his biggest competition – and I’m remembering that Fabio didn’t even win when it was just him and another person…so, really? And then Fabio meanders through a lovely story about no matter how many dragon one slays, it’s the Princess that matters. And…he wants the princess. Apparently, the title of Top Chef is now a princess.

Quickfire

• Padma is there with Donatella Arpella – she’s a restaurateur.
• The Chefs have to cook against an expert…Angelina, a dirty water dog maker in NY.
• Create Your Own Signature Hot Dog and do they measure up to Angelina’s.
• And the countdown begins---on who says “I’m a top cuisine person…hot dogs are beneath me…”
• I’m glad that Fabio is down with the hot dog making…he’s not disrespecting it.
• Does Stefan have marbles in his mouth?
• Coltish Jill isn’t going to make a hot dog…youch.
• Jill makes a summer roll…and is nailed for not making her own hot dog. Uh-huh.
• Radhika’s Indian hot dog…
• Daniel does traditional…he did his own casing.
• Eugene does a sushi hot dog.
• Hosea – bacon and roasted pepper…
• Stefan says it’s a World Dog…and he serves a German Beer with it. Sniff.
• Carla – lamb and pork sausage. “really moist”
• Ariane – chicken and bacon sausage…strong celery taste
• Fabio – Mediterranean feel
• Jamie – pork and beef, paprika…piece of bone in Padma’s????? Ewwww.
• Angelina’s hot dog…classic. Hers is slamming.
• Bottom: Jill, Stefan (he’s mystified…obvs)
• Top 3 – Radhika, Fabio, Hosea
• WINNER: RADHIKA

Elimination Challenge

• Contestants will open a restaurant in Manhattan
• New American Lunch Menu with 3 items
• Each chef be responsible for one dish
• 50 New Yorkers will partake
• Jeff takes charge (where did that come from? Is he kind of a prick?) Everyone separates into 5 appie, 5 entrée and 5 dessert
• Fabio is growing on me…he’s genuine and not shitty like Stefan.
• Jill is off the reservation with an ostrich egg? Huh?
• Can I just say that I’m thrilled that not one contestant is wearing a fucking fedora. SIGHHHHH.
• APPIE GROUP: Jamie, Melissa, Leah, Fabio and Hosea
• ENTRÉE GROUP: Jill, Jeff, Alex, Stefan and Eugene
• DESSERT GROUP: Radhika, Richard, Carla, Ariane and Daniel
• Tom comes by….swoon.
• The restaurant they’re cooking in is Craft – Tom’s flagship restaurant.
• All of the diners are: NY Chefs who tried out for Top Chef and DIDN’T MAKE IT.
• Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
• Is Fabio telling the dragon story again that night?
• Eugene is, once again, humble and lovely. I. Love. He.

Commercial Break
• The call-in poll is about Jill’s ridiculous egg choice.
• I tried to do hand stands for you…I tried to do hand stands for you…
• Dude, the Real Housewives of Atlanta throowwwww downnnnnn….that reunion looks bonkers.

Service

• Leah says she likes having a boyfriend and is drunkenly flirting with Hosea – note to self: The Drink does not a quick wit make. DUDE, IS THAT WHAT WE SOUND LIKE DRUNK????? Aaaand, I’m never drinking again.
• Carla is opining about learning new restaurants. ARE HER EYES GIANT?
• Leah “I need a boyfriend” says it’s time to go.
• The chefs arrive at Craft.
• Two hours to prep – each course has their own corner.
• Is Jamie an asshole? (yes)
• Ariane is having people taste her lemon meringue martini…they say it’s too sweet and then she says fuck it…but then says that if she goes under they’re all gonna hear about it. What?
• Ugh – they go out to the diners (the chefs that didn’t make it on Top Chef)…and it’s a Brag-a-Thon…lord.
• Tom comes back with his executive chef…Tom’s going to run it how he does.
• H.o.t.
• The orders start coming in.
• APPIES
• Jamie does a chilled soup – she’s an asshole about it, but it’s apparently good. Sniff. I have flashbacks of assholes and the soups they make (cough…Spike…cough)
• Hosea does a cold crab salad – it’s “slimy” and “muddy”…one of the chefs says it tastes like its from a can. Woops…it is.
• Leah does a scallop thing – they’re sandy and “80’s”. Hilarious.
• Fabio – beef carpaccio with some weird olive thing…hard outside, liquid inside. They go over well.
• Melissa Eyebrows does a boring avocado thing…what???
• ENTREES
• Jill and her ostrich egg quiche – ‘dog food’ ‘tastes like glue’ woops.
• Eugene does a meatloaf sandwich – presentation bad.
• Stefan does a halibut and a ravioli – padma likes it, it goes over well.
• Jeff is falling behind…with his southern chicken. It’s seasoned nicely…it goes over well.
• Alex is doing a grilled pork tenderloin…eesh, it’s not going well.
• DESSERTS
• Radhika – citrus, avocado mousse…blahblahblah…ew. Huh? Sweet guacamole?
• Daniel – ricotta pound cake that he’s never made before (?) Going over well.
• Ariane – lemon meringue martini – her voice is bananas. Padma gags. Literally. TOO SWEET.
• Richard – sandwich, banana something…”afterschool snack”
• Carla – rustic apple tart. ‘deli counter sweaty piece of cheese”, but
• it goes over well.
• Tom tastes everything at the end….they’re all totally nervous just watching him.
• The Diners (wanna be Top Cheffers) are angered and shitty about the service. Man, jealousy is u.g.l.y.
• Tom is disappointed and shocked how shitty it was.

Judges Table

• Tom comes back and says he’s disappointed…and that the chefs set New American back 20 years.
• He calls Jamie, Hosea, Ariane, Fabio, Carla and Jill
• Top – Carla’s apple tart, Fabio’s beef carpaccio (adorable), Jamie’s soup (she apparently just wanted to “celebrate the season.” Whatevs.
• WINNER: FABIO
• I’m good with that…he’s delightful and genuine. And it’s not Jamie and her fucking soup.
• Bottom - Hosea’s crab salad, Ariane’s meringue (she drones on…sweet?), Jill’s ostrich quiche. Dude, Tom’s pissed.
• Hosea was shocked that he was in the bottom 3 with canned crab??
• Ariane’s got spit out. End.
• Jill rambled about why she chose ostrich. And in the backroom she just still seems kind of sadly bewildered by it all.
Commercial Break
• That Real Housewives of Atlanta just seems gross. What’s wrong with people?
• Australia is going to flop…I’m calling it. But Hugh Jackman? Sighhhhh.
• I hate those commercials where the camera pans to the back of the person’s head and it’s not there – but a stage is, or something. It’s haunting.
• Call-in poll – Jill choice of Ostrich Egg was ‘too risky’. Duh.

ELIMINATION
• Pack your knives: JILL
• Jill tries to say that the judges didn’t ‘appreciate’ the ostrich egg, not that it was prepared badly.
• She loses it back stage…poor thing.
• Ariane breaks down that she doesn’t deserve it. Carla soothes her really sweetly. It’s a nice moment.
• NEXT WEEK: Elimination – Thanksgiving dinner for the Foo Fighters?
• Dave Grohl? Uh…yes, please.